How To Get Out of Your Way

Nonprofit leadership attracts people with big hearts, high standards, and a deep sense of responsibility. It also attracts pressure—constant urgency, limited resources, and the quiet belief that if you don’t hold everything together, it will all fall apart.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the one standing between your mission and its next level of impact, you’re not alone.

My Mastermind Group is reading Brianna Wiest's book, "The Mountain Is You" and the author offers a powerful idea: the biggest obstacles in our lives are often internal. The “mountain” isn’t always the budget, the board, the politics, or the burnout. Sometimes, the mountain is us—our patterns, fears, coping mechanisms, and self-sabotaging habits that keep us stuck in cycles that we’re trying to escape.

For nonprofit leaders, this message hits differently—because your work isn’t just personal. It’s tied to people, communities, and causes that matter. That’s why self-sabotage can feel both invisible and devastating.

Let’s talk about what it looks like, why it happens, and how to start climbing and conquering the mountain.

Self-sabotage isn’t always dramatic. Often, it’s socially acceptable behavior that quietly drains your effectiveness.

Here are a few common patterns:

1) Overfunctioning (Doing What Others Should Do)

You step in “just this once,” then suddenly you’re doing it every time. You carry the load because it’s faster, safer, and you don’t want to burden anyone else. I struggled with this for years, and it I'm honest, I slip into it occasionally now. It's derived from a need to control every situation.

The Cost: Your team doesn’t grow, you become the bottleneck, and resentment builds, or worse you become the default for tasks that belong elsewhere.

2) Perfectionism Disguised as Excellence

You rewrite everything. You delay launching. You keep refining. You tell yourself it’s about quality—but underneath, it may be fear of criticism or failure. It can also be the thought that "your way" is the "only way- or the only right way" to do the task.

Cost: Missed opportunities, stalled programs, and a constant sense of “not enough.”

3) Avoiding Hard Conversations

You postpone addressing performance issues, board dynamics, or partnership conflicts because you want to keep peace—or you’re tired.

Cost: Problems expand, culture erodes, and your stress multiplies.

4) Martyrdom as Identity

You’re proud of how much you sacrifice. You’re “always on.” Rest feels irresponsible. Delegation feels like letting people down. Last year, for the first time ever, I took the entire week of Thanksgiving and Christmas off. And, guess what, the office ran just fine without me. Imagine that!

Cost: Burnout, health impacts, and a leadership style that becomes unsustainable.

5) Playing Small to Stay Safe

You don’t apply for the bigger grant. You don’t pitch the bold partnership. You don’t advocate for the budget you actually need.

Cost: Your mission stays under-resourced, and your organization remains stuck in survival mode.

So why do we self-sabotage (even when we know better)? Wiest’s core point is that self-sabotage is often a form of self-protection. We don’t sabotage because we’re lazy or incapable. We sabotage because growth threatens something internal:

- If I succeed, expectations will rise.

- If I lead differently, people might not like me.

- If I slow down, I’ll feel what I’ve been avoiding.

- If I delegate, I’ll lose control—and control feels like safety.

- If I stop proving myself, who am I?

Nonprofit leaders often carry additional layers:

- lived experience tied to the mission

- community accountability

- scarcity mindset from years of “making it work”

- trauma exposure from serving vulnerable populations

One of the most helpful reframes from *The Mountain Is You* is this:

"Your life doesn’t change when you want it to.

It changes when your patterns do."

If you're ready to climg here are some practical shifts:

1) Name the Pattern Without Shame. Start with curiosity, not condemnation.

Ask yourself:

- Where do I keep repeating the same outcome?

- What do I do right before things get better that pulls me back?

- What am I afraid will happen if I actually succeed?

2) Separate Mission Urgency From Personal Worth

Your organization’s needs are real—but they are not proof of your value.

Try this mantra: “The mission is urgent. I am not the emergency.”

3) Replace Control With Clarity

If you struggle to delegate, it’s often not because you don’t trust people—it’s because expectations aren’t clear.

Start small:

- define what “done” looks like

- set a check-in point

- let someone else own the outcome

4) Practice “Brave Discomfort”

Growth feels like discomfort because it’s unfamiliar.

Choose one uncomfortable leadership action this week:

- give direct feedback

- ask for what you need from the board

- stop rescuing a team member

- submit the proposal before it feels perfect

5) Build a Rest Strategy, Not a Breakdown Story

Rest isn’t a reward for finishing.

Rest is a requirement for leading.

If you don’t schedule recovery, your body will schedule it for you.

Finally, if you're a leader who is carrying a heavy load and you're struggling with self-sabotage, hear this clearly:

You are not broken.

You are adaptive.

Some of your habits were built to help you survive pressure, scarcity, and responsibility. But what helped you survive may now be limiting your ability to lead with freedom.

The mountain is you—but that’s also good news.

Because if the obstacle is internal, the power to change it is, too.

If you need support as you conquer your mountain and would like to work with me, contact me at motivationalmuse.kim@gmail.com.